Alright, for the most part I am so happy and thrilled to have lost weight. I have lost 30 pounds in total and I have gone down 4 inches in pant size (which is way more awesome than the weight)! How crazy! Now, I am struggling to gain muscle a.k.a I am trying to gain weight now… I have been trying this for the last 4 months and in total I have gone up 3 pounds– who knew gaining weight would be more difficult than losing weight was. I have had a ton of support with losing weight and reaching my goals and when I first envisioned how I would feel and look I was faced with some things I never thought I would deal with after I lost the weight.
1. Your mind doesn’t fix itself:
I had hoped that all of my body issues would go away as soon as I reached that target number and target size. But they haven’t, I am still working on self-love every day. I am still trying to get more and more comfortable with my body. Like I say about crossfit, we continually make goals for ourselves to keep us motivated. Well, as a personal mission I have created those goals for my mental fitness too. I have pushed and forced myself to wear spandex, and workout in sports bras at the gym. I wanted to love my body and I want to not be ashamed of it anymore. When I see other people doing this, I think nothing of it, I wanted to embrace that realization and push myself to do something that was out of my comfort zone because I don’t want to feel that way about my body any more and ever again and chances were high that no one but me would care!
2. You will have absolutely nothing to wear ever:
People always focus on the benefits of losing weight! Yes, I feel great and I love the new person I am… I have nothing to wear. I am still shrinking in size and the work pants I bought 2 months ago are being held up by the belt that at one point served as an accessory that went around my waist… now I am on my last notch around my hips. Shirts that used to look decent are awkward and weird now. Basically, what I am trying to say is I had to donate half of my closet and I have yet to replace or replenish clothing in it. Thank god shoe size doesn’t change!
3. People will ask you if you eat:
I find this one by far the most annoying. At work people were coming up to me at work, a place where most people were able to see a gradual change in my weight loss on a daily basis, and asking me if I was eating, or I was “still trying to lose weight” because I just looked “too tiny.” This used to make me feel good and confident, but it was annoying. The sad truth of it was that I was eating probably three times as much as they were. I eat a lot of food, close to 2000 calories a day, sometimes more if I am really hungry that day. I eat like 6 times a day! Sheesh.
4. Finding jeans is extra awful:
This is a pretty common situation for people who weight lift and crossfit. Jeans never ever seem to fit nicely over the bulging quads that show up when you start squatting big numbers… needless to say I have 2 pairs of stretchy jeans and one pair of regular jeans that I can wear to work when we have “dress down days”.
5.You will check to make sure its still gone:
I can admit that I am still not convinced that the weight is gone. I look in the mirror and check more times than I would like to admit. I honestly have to say every time I see myself I feel so accomplished. I beat a very real disease in America and I am still battling it in my mind.
Thankfully, these are all issues that can be fixed with the growth mindset and a few weeks of saving a paycheck– jeans will never be an easy find. I appreciate the journey I have had, I realize that I will face more and more obstacles. To all you girls and guys out there, you are not alone in your fight. The progress is slow just like movements in crossfit, and sometimes awful, but it will happen if you really believe in yourself and in the end destination. You will be like me, a little mad that no one told you that all of your clothes wouldn’t fit, having to explain to people that you do eat actual food, or that you are afraid that over night your progress will somehow disappear.
If you need another journey to follow check out the blog “Fat to Crossfit“. She’s got a lot of good content too and it just goes to show that there is a community out there!! Great work girl!
If you are struggling, I don’t care who you are, where you have been. If you need someone to talk through it, write me.
Keep on with your bad selves!